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Mega Joke Reader
Conversion Factors Spreadsheet
Why You Are Tired
For a couple years we have been blaming it on lack of sleep,
too much pressure from my job, earwax buildup, poor blood,
but now we found out the real reason:
We're tired because we're overworked.
Here's why:
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.Of this there are 29 million on welfare.
(Eating, dressing and driving nicer cars than me)
This Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
This leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who
work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do all the work.
Subject: affairs
THE FIRST AFFAIR
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. as the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8:00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!!"
THE SECOND AFFAIR
There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said,
"Not this time"!  |
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